Whatever It Takes
by Angel From Above Is Here
Summary: Boyd is in America With his girlfried Sarah, of course. Grace is home alone, with too much time to think? Where will this lead?


**A/N: Hey there! Here I am again! I know, I've been away for far too long! But real life manages to get in between everything... But don't worry, I am back! And for those of you who have read For The Love Of Grace and are ompatiently waiting: there will be an update soon! I promise! The song I used is ****Right here waiting for you by Bryan Adams.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. I wished I did, though...**

**Whatever It Takes**

_Oceans apart  
day after day  
And I slowly go insane. _

Grace closed her book with a rather loud thump. For the past half an hour she had been trying to distract herself, but she was finally giving up. A certain Detective Superintendent was the reason for that.

It was the fifth day Boyd was spending in America. With his girlfriend Sarah, of course. And the profiler was desperately trying to prevent images floating into her mind, images of the two of them enjoying themselves, simply holding each other or sharing loving kisses.

She got up from her couch and made her way to the kitchen. Maybe doing the dishes from lunch would be a better choice to keep herself busy. Not that there was much to be done, but anything was better than nothing.

The water was nice and warm. And the task was an easy one. The one downside to it all, though, was that it gave her a little too much time to think, the very thing she had been trying to avoid.

The first two days had been hard, but she had managed. The third day she had started to worry what would happen when things between Boyd and Sarah started growing more serious.

And she had had to admit to herself that she would not be able to deal with it at all if Boyd decided to move to America permanently when he and Sarah finally deemed their relationship steady enough. Because hell would freeze over before that bloody woman would move here, there was no question about that.

Nearly never did Grace find herself in a position like this. Truth be told, she never had found herself in a position like this. She was fifty-five, for God's sake, and she was feeling like a teenage girl whose crush was dating someone else. It was ridiculous.

_I hear your voice  
On the line  
but it doesn't stop the pain _

Not that she didn't hear from him when he was in America. Far from it. He had called her three days ago, after all. As he had done the time before.

He had asked her whether she was doing okay, since she had seemed to be coming down with something right before he'd left. She had assured him she was fine, and in turn had asked if he was enjoying himself. He had laughed at that, telling her America was the same as it had been last time.

But she didn't really know whether it had done her any good. Of course she had been happy to hear his voice. But it was also a reminder that that was all they had when he was with Sarah, phone calls.

And to make matters even worse, when they had said their goodbyes on the phone, she had heard Sarah calling for Boyd. She had told him to go and have fun. She had even smiled in an attempt to keep from breaking down.

She missed lightly brushing passed him when they were working together. The smell of his aftershave when she stood next to him as they watched the younger team members conduct an interview.

Hearing him just wasn't enough for her. And she knew it would never be. She would keep longing for the times they spent together, not being afraid of crossing any lines.

Now that he was with Sarah, every time she touched him she felt like she was breaking the rules. She wasn't supposed to touch him anymore, it felt as if she was trying to separate him and his girlfriend.

In fact she would like nothing more than for the two of them not to be together. But Boyd seemed happy, and she would just have to be glad he had found happiness, even if she had nothing to do with it.

Thinking about Boyd and Sarah of course made her think about the two of them as well, their past, present and future.

The relationship she had with Boyd went deeper than anyone could ever imagine. From the first day they'd met, they had felt as if they had known each other for years. They were never afraid of saying anything, they had quickly realized they could trust each other.

Yes, he was a bastard sometimes. And they had fought more times than she cared to count. He had hurt her so badly she had been on the verge of walking out on the team and banning him from her life for good. Only to realize in the end that she couldn't go on without him. She had called him repressed, depressed, unloved and in denial. Yet they had also pulled each other through when the weight of the world was resting on their shoulders. And he was far from unloved, because she loved him. And always would love him.

That really did define their relationship, did it not? Higher highs and lower lows than anyone could ever imagine. He hurt her more than anyone could ever do, yet he also made her happier than she had ever been.

Now she was losing that. Losing him. To Sarah.

And it was very obvious she was losing him. She hardly saw him anymore. They had stopped meeting outside work. Speaking to him had become hard, because he was always busy with his work, or on the phone with Sarah.

_If I see you next to never  
How can we say forever? _

If she were honest, she had seen very little of Boyd lately. He had been spending most of his time with Sarah, after all. And she had to admit she missed being around him.

They had used to spend hours, days even, together. Doing nothing more than talking and laughing. Getting to know each other. Opening up to one another. Deepening the connection they had always had.

And apart from during their personal time, they had always ventured into the other's office to discuss the cases they dealt with, without including the junior members of the team.

Now, it had been almost a month since they had gotten any more personal than a simple "good morning" or "hi" at the beginning of their day at work. He seemed to be doing his utmost best to avoid her, at all cost. Or to end the conversation before it could turn personal. They had stopped waiting for each other at the end of the day. Instead, they now both exited the building on their own.

And every day she was torn between waiting for him, forcing him to talk to her or letting him be simply because it was the easiest option and she did not want to make things even harder. But every day she decided against waiting, because she was too afraid to make a mistake and push him even further away.

She had learned long ago that loving someone was never easy. But she had never known that not being loved by someone could actually be even harder. That it could tear you down, even. And even with all her psychological knowledge and experience, she could not understand why she was feeling this way.

Maybe it was true, she mused. Maybe love was the one thing one would never understand. The mystery of humanity.

Though she had another mystery to unravel as well.

How could she have ever dreamed of them being together forever, if now they saw each other next to never? How could she have ever been so naïve?

_Wherever you go  
Whatever you do  
I will be right here waiting for you_

But all of that didn't change the way she felt about him. Every time she saw him, her heart skipped a beat. When he looked at her, the world stopped turning and there was no-one else but the two of them.

And it didn't matter where he was. Whether he was in the office next to hers, bent low over his desk, or in another country, she was in love with him. No distance could ever change that.

Grace felt like a hopeless romantic, admitting that to herself. Yet all of it was true.

Putting the now clean and dry plates in the cupboard, she shook her head lightly.

_Whatever it takes  
Or how my heart breaks  
I will be right here waiting for you_

If only she knew how she could get him back. Whatever it took, she would do it. However difficult, however unpleasant, she would go through it if it meant being able to touch him again, being able to go back to where they had been before Sarah had come into his life.

In a way it broker her heart when she admitted that, even though it was just to herself. She felt horrible for wishing she was in Sarah's place, and for Sarah never to have appeared at all. But it was how she felt, and being a profiler, she knew she couldn't deny that.

But she couldn't do anything about it either, could she? First of all, he was abroad. And this was certainly a conversation she was not going to be having over the phone. And what on earth was she supposed to say? Hello, Boyd! I'm sorry for calling, but I'd like you to dump Sarah and get together with me?

She simply shrugged. It seemed the situation was pretty hopeless.

_I took for granted  
All the times  
That I thought would last somehow_

Grace felt like she was to blame for part of the situation. After all, if she had told Boyd exactly what a good friend he was, or that she loved him, he would never have started looking for somebody who would. If he had not started looking for someone who valued him, he would never have met Sarah.

But she had never found the right time, the right place or the right words to tell him how she really felt about him.

When they had first met, he was still dealing with his son's departure. He was still not sure about what to do about the entire situation with Luke mother, Mary. Grace herself had lost her husband merely a year and a half before, and although she had felt attracted to Boyd from the very beginning, she had kept it to herself, telling herself it would be wrong to begin dating so soon again.

And then there had been Mel's death. She had obviously felt the need to go crying on his shoulder, and she had. Just as she had let him lean on her for support. But she hadn't spoken about her true feeling for him, fearing he might misinterpret them and think it was simply the grieve speaking, not her. He had not shown any deeper feeling than the close friendship they had shared since they'd begun working together.

To make matters worse, Spence had been shot, Stella had turned out to have been keeping secrets and Felix had left.

Now, things were finally falling back into place, only to have Sarah take away her solitary option of telling him she loved him.

If the situation had been any less painful, she might have laughed at the absurdity of it all.

_I hear the laughter  
I taste the tears  
But I can't get near you now _

Suddenly she heard someone knocking on her door. As she had not been expecting any visitors, she thought this was quite strange. She wonder who it might be.

"Peter!" she said, surprised, as she opened the door.

Boyd was standing on the threshold. His normally composed behavior was lacking, it seemed. He had dark rims under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept in a week.

"Don't stay outside. Come in," she said.

He did as he was asked. As he normally did, he hung his coat on the hook nearest the door. A clear indication this was not a quick stop, Grace realized, because when he simply walked in and out, he would hang his jacket on the back of his chair.

"Are you… Are you okay?"

She though the question sounded really lame, but she didn't know what else to say. She figured it would at least break the ice.

Boyd simply shrugged. It was obvious something was bugging him, but Grace knew he would tell her in his own place and time. Pushing him would definitely not help, so she refrained from asking any questions.

Boyd grabbed her arm then, taking her into the living room. She had not been expecting that, but instead of pulling back she allowed him to lead her to the sofa. After all, she trusted him.

He took a seat next to her. There was some space between them, enough for him to still feel close to her, but all the while making sure she was not in his personal space. She briefly realized she was the only one he ever allowed in there. This must really be serious.

When she looked at his face again, she saw there were tears falling down his cheeks.

Immediately she wanted to wipe them away with her thumb. She wanted to hold him, make sure he was okay. But she was unsure whether he would want her to do that. So she settled for placing her hand on top of his. He turned his hand upward and closed it around hers straight away.

"I've been such a fool, Grace… Such a bloody fool…" he said.

She stayed silent, allowing him to speak now that he had found the courage.

"I went to America to see Sarah. But… But I didn't exactly have good intentions…" he began his story.

Grace looked at him questioningly, but held her tongue, knowing that he might not say anything anymore if she opened her mouth.

"I went there to tell her I couldn't be with her anymore. The distance was part of it, of course. And the fact that she had a life there, so different from mine. And that she doesn't even know half of the things that made me who I am."

Grace had no idea where this was going. He had broken up with Sarah, and she partially understood why. But why had he not tried to make her see the things that had shaped him? Why hadn't he just let her in.

"But the most important reason was because there is somebody who does know everything about me. Who has seen the good, the bad and the ugly and who still is there for me when I need her to. Whom I can always depend on, and who isn't afraid to sometimes depend upon me."

_Oh can't you see it baby  
You`ve got me going crazy_

Grace swallowed at that. He had left Sarah for another woman? A woman who knew exactly who he was and who didn't treat him any differently about it? A woman who knew about his marriage and the reason it had ended? A woman who knew about his son?

So many thoughts were going through her head. Where had he met this person? When had he met her? And why had she not known about this?

"Grace?" his voice suddenly penetrated her ragging thoughts.

She immediately focused on him again.

"Wow, that is… Unexpected, to say the least! And you told Sarah about your interest in another woman? How did she take it?"

Boyd actually nearly smiled at that.

"Very well. That is to say, after I had told her which woman I was talking about. She said she could have known she would lose me to her, seeing as there was no competing with her," he said.

That revelation chocked Grace just a little. So Sarah had noticed his love for this woman, and her attraction to him? Then why had she not seen any of that?

"May I ask who it was? Because I have to admit, I'm clueless at the moment" she confessed.

Boyd pulled at her hand, making her come closer to him, pulling her into his personal space.

Before she knew what was happening she felt his lips on hers, softly, more gently then she had ever imagined he would be.

Yet she could feel in his kiss that he wanted to be more demanding, forceful, that he wanted to convince her of the sincerity of the kiss.

_I wonder how we can survive  
This romance  
But in the end when I`m with_ you

"Does that answer your question, my dearest Grace?" he asked, his hand still on his cheeks as if he couldn't bear the idea of not feeling her.

She looked into his eyes and saw love radiating from them, respect and warmth. It felt as if she had finally come home after a long journey.

"It does," she said. "I just can't believe it… Am I really the one who knows you through and through?"

Boyd smiled at that, putting his arms completely around her and pulling her as close to him as he possibly could.

"You know me. You have seen every side of me. You've seen everything I have to offer, you've seen me on the worst day of my life. Yet you don't treat me any differently. And every day you've got me going crazy by being so close to me and me not being able to touch you. I love you more than anything in the world. So why would you not be?" he asked her.

_I`ll take the chance  
Oh can't you see it baby  
You`ve got me going crazy _

Grace lay her head against his shoulder. She slowly, deliberately, inhaled his scent. Simply enjoying being this close to him and not having to be afraid anymore that she was breaking the rules, or crossing the line.

"So what do we do about this?" she asked him.

He was silent for a few minutes before he spoke again.

"I was hoping you would give me a chance. The ball's in your camp, as they say. If you tell me you want to be nothing more than friends, I'll respect that decision."

She didn't pull her head away, so he could feel her shaking it.

"I love you, too, Boyd. And I want to be with you. I have wanted to be with you for a very long time, and I've always been too scared to say anything. No, I don't want to waste his opportunity. I want to be with you," she repeated, crawling even closer to him.

Boyd pressed his lips against the top of her head, a simple gesture that made her feel loved and safe and warm. Deep down she knew things might get strenuous between them from time to time, but she also knew that he would never knowingly hurt her. Between the two of them, they could make this work.

"Then let's promise to let nothing get between us," he whispered.

She pulled away from his lightly.

"I promise," she said.

And even before the words had faded, she sealed her promise with a kiss.


End file.
